I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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