You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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