You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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