I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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