im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
