No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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