i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
