i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize