My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
