My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
