My room smells like vodka and shame
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
