Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
