If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
