how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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