is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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