they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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