I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
its liver damage thursday
Randomize