are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
