Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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