We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
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I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I came so hard my ears popped.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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