im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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