Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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