the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
