Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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