i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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