He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
