I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
