i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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