dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize