I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
