I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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