would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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