This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
