i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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