If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
