so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
