Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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