She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize