You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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