I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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