that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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