I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
