I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I won't apologize to a one balled man
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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