Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
