He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
