How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
