Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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