I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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