hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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