Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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