If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
