I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
