I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
