Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
