he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
