the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
