i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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