I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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