dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
