Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
