she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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