Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
