theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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