She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
