I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You peed on a flamingo?!?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
