For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
