I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
