Swine flu is the new snow day.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
