Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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