bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
