Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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