She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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