I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
