butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
