Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
