The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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