She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
