hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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