we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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