He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
