3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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