Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize