i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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