bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
