worst night to have a conscience
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
