My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't deserve a penis
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
