i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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