I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
