walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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