Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
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I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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